Failure

Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Nice advice! Until you are the one that is putting your ideas, time, or talent on the line and it doesn’t work out quite how you anticipated. Until something you loved and believed in doesn’t work.

I am so proud of people who are willing to invest their time and talents to make the community where I live a better place. I don’t know if I ever have the desire to put my name forward and watch as the people of Lethbridge decide if they want me or not. It takes courage and a thick skin.

Thank you to all the people who were braver than I and ran for public office. Who believed in their ability enough to act on it. Thanks to those that voted. Special thanks to those who had an informed vote! Thanks to those who failed but were brave enough to try. Also, big congratulations to those people who will serve me, my family and community in the next four years.  Henry Ford said it best, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”
Life is all about attitudes. Even though my failures haven’t been public, I have never wanted something so much and been told not yet so loudly. Isn’t that often how life works? When we get the clear, direct answers and we think we know the direction we want to take … that is when the obstacles become greater. When we have to struggle more for the desired outcome. I am falling in love with this verse of scripture, “If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be joyful.”

I love butterflies. They are my new passion. But I am starting to appreciate that the butterfly is the end stage of metamorphosis. I am trying to recognize the beauty and growth of each stage in the cycle of life. I want to see the success in the journey of each stage of becoming my best me!

 

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Failure

Don’t Believe Everything You Think!

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I have many beautiful friends. This magnificant woman refreshed my memory of truths I had forgotten. This post is a team effort from Erin Allen and myself.

“Sometimes home schooling is really hard. And sometimes there’s a nasty, mean voice that gets inside my head that whispers that it’s not going well, that I can’t do this, that I’m going to fail, and points out all the “evidence” that proves that this is just too much for me. Those thoughts were spiraling me down to a pretty dark place this morning. Then my inspired friend came over, took over the kids for a bit, and allowed me to go into my room, close the door and pray and read my scriptures. I cried and cried to Heavenly Father (literally, with tears and snot.) Then I opened up my scriptures to Ether 6:5-12. In this part of the Book of Mormon, the Jaradites are in the middle of what must have felt like an impossible endeavor… and here are the verses that jumped out at me and sunk right in:

“And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.

And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.”

I love these verses and I love how symbolic their story is to my own life, thousands of years later. There is so much that applies to me right now. I too can be protected and feel joy in the middle of trials, (whether they are external or internal trials) as I focus my thoughts on gratitude… being THANKFUL! By focusing my thoughts on the Savior! By choosing my thoughts and the things I focus on, I can protect myself with TRUTH. The truth is, I KNOW homeschooling is right for our family this year. Being “tight like unto a dish” = not letting darkness in. I can be tight and protected as I don’t indulge the negative, dark, self-criticizing thoughts that would sink me down. I love that these verses also point out that all the furious winds and waves that feel like they are out to drown me, are actually the very things that are bringing me toward the “promised land.” MY promised land. My place of peace, joy and fulfillment.

I love the scriptures and how they remind me of truth. I am grateful for prayer. I’m amazed yet again of how powerful these simple things are in helping me to feel the Truth again.

Thanks for letting me share! I love my friends and community dearly…. that means each of you.”

I loved the part that reads “the furious winds and waves that feel like they are out to drown me, are actually the very things that are bringing me toward the “promised land.” When you don’t realize the elements in your story for what they truly are it’s hard to express gratitude or feel joy But if you see, with eyes open and the scales start to fall, you will start to recognize the truth of all things. The truth can make you free to feel the beauty in all that life brings. I know that I too have felt the winds that were destroying my ship and making life uncomfortable. But as I dropped to my knees and asked God what I needed to change and what I needed to accept. He guided my path and allowed me to distinguish between the two. Then when I realized that I am the captain of my life I began to choose my circumstances, I started to see how without the winds there was no way I could get to the marvelous destination. There is a peace that comes by knowing you are doing what is right for you and your family. Then when the opposition comes… and it will because that is part of why we are here. You too can feel the peace the Savior promised to send… My peace I give you, not as the world giveth give I unto you… The world would say peace is the absence of a storm… and the Lord says I will comfort you while the storm rages around and allow you to see the necessity of the winds.

After I read my friends post I was reminded of another woman who taught me earlier that week. Here is what she shared.

Music and the Spoken Word” and she shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast: “We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our happiness. So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our thoughts in this way because it might mean admitting that we were wrong! Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true, uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

I am thankful for the strong woman in my life. Who enrich my life and help create a fulfilling loving environment. I love their honesty, wisdom, and authenticity. I hope you liked their words as much as I did.

 

I just read this and thought of you too… its from a talk a girl gave in stake conference….
“Music and the Spoken Word” and he
shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast:

“We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom
in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may
come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are
not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good
enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts
for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those
beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our
happiness.

So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat
other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I
have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can
listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our
thoughts in this way, because it might mean admitting that we were wrong!

Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those
negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can
others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you
might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true,
uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

I just read this and thought of you too… its from a talk a girl gave in stake conference….
“Music and the Spoken Word” and he
shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast:

“We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom
in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may
come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are
not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good
enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts
for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those
beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our
happiness.

So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat
other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I
have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can
listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our
thoughts in this way, because it might mean admitting that we were wrong!

Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those
negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can
others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you
might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true,
uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

I just read this and thought of you too… its from a talk a girl gave in stake conference….
“Music and the Spoken Word” and he
shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast:

“We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom
in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may
come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are
not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good
enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts
for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those
beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our
happiness.

So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat
other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I
have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can
listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our
thoughts in this way, because it might mean admitting that we were wrong!

Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those
negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can
others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you
might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true,
uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

 

I just read this and thought of you too… its from a talk a girl gave in stake conference….
“Music and the Spoken Word” and he
shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast:

“We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom
in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may
come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are
not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good
enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts
for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those
beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our
happiness.

So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat
other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I
have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can
listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our
thoughts in this way, because it might mean admitting that we were wrong!

Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those
negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can
others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you
might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true,
uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

I just read this and thought of you too… its from a talk a girl gave in stake conference….
“Music and the Spoken Word” and he
shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast:

“We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom
in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may
come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are
not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good
enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts
for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those
beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our
happiness.

So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat
other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I
have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can
listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our
thoughts in this way, because it might mean admitting that we were wrong!

Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those
negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can
others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you
might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true,
uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

I just read this and thought of you too… its from a talk a girl gave in stake conference….
“Music and the Spoken Word” and he
shared with me the following message from the August 13 th broadcast:

“We’ve all heard the wise advice “Don’t believe everything you hear.” But there’s also wisdom
in a similar idea: “Don’t believe everything you think,” because some false information may
come from our own thoughts. We may think things about ourselves and others that simply are
not true—thoughts like “I can never change” or “I can’t forgive this person” or “I’m not good
enough” or “She doesn’t like me.” The danger of such thoughts is that they don’t stay thoughts
for long. They can quickly harden into beliefs that affect the way we see the world. Soon those
beliefs become actions that can limit our progress, damage our relationships, and hinder our
happiness.

So how do we prevent this? One approach is to treat our thoughts the way we would treat
other information we might encounter. We can ask ourselves, “Is it true? What evidence do I
have? Does it square with other things I already know? Is there another explanation?” We can
listen to our conscience and to trusted loved ones. It takes courage and humility to evaluate our
thoughts in this way, because it might mean admitting that we were wrong!

Is it time to debunk some myths in your own mind? A good place to start might be those
negative or degrading thoughts—about yourself and about others. You can change, and so can
others. You can forgive, and so can others. People might like you more than you think. And you
might like them more than you think. Give your beliefs and actions the firm foundation of true,
uplifting, charitable thoughts, and remember, don’t believe everything you think.”

Don’t Believe Everything You Think!

Sincerity and Honesty

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Taking my children to the Louvre this summer was a magnificent experience. It is so amazing to see what artists can create and envision in the raw elements. They were initially excited to see the Mona Lisa, but after discovering more of the treasures that surrounded them they loved taking in all the richness and beauty of everything.

In a book written by Benjamin and Meredith Martinez, they describe the rarest and most costly marble, white Carrara. As a Sculptor, it was very desirable to work with this expensive material.

I quote from the authors, “Sculpting in marble was neither fast nor easy. In addition to innate talent, it required both careful analysis and tedious, backbreaking work. The artist would have to study the block of marble to determine its essential nature. He would then need to discover the direction of the grain and ascertain the presence of any flaws. He had to make careful and precise plans and drawings which were in accord with the structure of the marble itself. Then, with consummate care, he would begin to chip off the superfluous marble, layer by layer, until he revealed the form he had envisioned.

“Any mistake could be disastrous. If the sculptor went against the grain he could crack the marble; if he struck a blow with too much force he could mash the crystals beneath the surface, creating holes and ruining the sculpture. This seldom happened with the greatest of sculptors, who labored with infinite care and supreme sensitivity. Those with lesser talent and little patience, however, would occasionally be confronted with such a disaster. Rather than admit their blunder and lose their commission, some would resort to subterfuge.

“Soft, white wax, skillfully applied, could usually disguise the damage. In outward appearance the sculpture appeared to be flawless and the defect was seldom discovered until well after the work had been accepted and the commission paid. As the practice became more common, patrons of the arts became more discerning. They refused to accept a piece of marble statuary until after a careful examination had been made to ensure that it was undamaged and contained no wax-covered flaws. The highest standard of excellence for works of white Carrara marble came to include the distinction, ‘sine cere,’ meaning ‘without wax.’

“Eventually these two words merged to become a single word, ‘sincere,’ meaning ‘pure, unadulterated, whole, intact, uninjured.’ When the word was used to refer to marble works of art, the emphasis was on the fundamental wholeness of the statue, not just on its superficial or outward appearance.

The statue was expected to be good, not just to look good.

As of yet I have no talent in sculpting nor do I plan in the near future to develop that talent. But the parallel I can draw about being sincere is amazing.

Sometimes in my efforts to accomplish great tasks I lose my patience, rush the process, do not examine the grain, apply too much pressure and cracks begin to form. I am learning that true peace and joy come in the honest analysis of the creation and process.

Often I have not noticed or been aware of the cracks in the sculpture. Quietly, analyzing, examining, planning and evaluating can help me return to the Master who can quietly critique my technique and help me become as skilled as He.

I know that to create a sculpture using precious materials takes patience, study, and planning. I need to be teachable and always aware of the obstacles that could make my project insincere.  If I can admit the cracks and realize the preciousness of the work I am doing, then I will be able to create sincere sculptures.

 

Benjamin Martinez and Meredith Martinez, “The Primacy of Principles,” in 10 Principles of Leadership Power (1992).

Sincerity and Honesty

I’ll Love You Forever…

1504020443646815113421All my children have loved the book, I’ll Love You Forever. If you have ever read this Robert Munch classic you will remember the tenderness and love on every page of this story. I wanted to know how this story came to be.

Robert Munch said,:”I made that up after my wife and I had two babies born dead. The song was my song to my dead babies. For a long time I had it in my head and I couldn’t even sing it because every time I tried to sing it I cried. It was very strange having a song in my head that I couldn’t sing.

For a long time it was just a song, but one day, while telling stories at a big theatre at the University of Guelph, it occurred to me that I might be able to make a story around the song.

Out popped Love You Forever, pretty much the way it is in the book.”

Sometimes when we share our grief in a story, poem or song it speaks to the soul of people who hear it. They might not know why the story resonates with them but they feel an attachment and a connection. We are all connected so much more than we ever realize. Our stories, the sad, the happy, the honest reflections of our lives can connect us to others. When we share our truths about the world, we bridge the gap of isolation and foster the unity we share in being mortal. Often our greatest truths come from our greatest sorrows.

Thank you Robert Munch for sharing this song with us through the form of a story.

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

What unsung songs could your share to bless the lives of others?

 

http://faithit.com/love-you-forever-book-author-robert-munsch-explains-about-stillborns/?utm_content=buffer5afea&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

I’ll Love You Forever…

All Of It

Today there was a beautiful talk given in Sacrament meeting. In the twenty sixth chapter of Matthew it reads:

26 And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body.

27 And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;

The speaker said his wife had pointed out a phrase he had never noticed before.  “Drink ye ALL of it.” Jesus commanded them not to sip it or gulp a little but to drink all of it.

Sometimes in life, especially when the Lord gives me a task that I feel is too difficult. I want to take just a bite or two. But God doesn’t want partial commitment. He wants all of it. Often I eagerly jump out of the boat and walk to him, only to realize the wind and waves around me. I forget to call to my Savior, “Lord, save me.” I become afraid that somehow I am not equal to the task or that what I desired is impossible.

I love how Howard W. Hunter commented on this story saying:

“It is my firm belief that if as individual people, as families, communities, and nations, we could, like Peter, fix our eyes on Jesus, we too might walk triumphantly over the swelling waves of disbelief and remain unterrified amid the rising winds of doubt. But if we turn away our eyes from him in whom we must believe, as it is so easy to do and the world is so much tempted to do, if we look to the power and fury of those terrible and destructive elements around us rather than to him who can help and save us, then we shall inevitably sink in a sea of conflict and sorrow and despair.

“At such times when we feel the floods are threatening to drown us and the deep is going to swallow up the tossed vessel of our faith, I pray we may always hear amid the storm and the darkness that sweet utterance of the Savior of the world: ‘Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid’ (Matthew 14:27)” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1992, 24; or Ensign, Nov. 1992, 19).

As we prepare ourselves to partake of the sacrament this week, may we remember our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. May our faith and knowledge in Him increase that our fears may be hushed and our lights shine brighter. That when our faith increases and we share our stories with others that they too may be encouraged through our testimony.

“And when the disciples had come with bread and wine, he took of the bread and brake and blessed it; and he gave unto the disciples and commanded that they should eat.

“And when they had eaten and were filled, he commanded that they should give unto the multitude.

“And when the multitude had eaten and were filled.”

May we like the disciples of old, come and eat and be filled. May we prepare our hearts that our covenants may be renewed and our minds restored to peace, comfort and joy. Then, when we are filled we may share this joy with others.

All Of It

Truth

Sometimes the world lets us meet fantastic people. I am blessed to be related to this talented girl. I had to share her post because it spoke to me. Often her posts are beautiful. I follow her on Facebook. She is on an amazing journey of love, strength, beauty, empowerment, and purpose.

Here is her post.

Kirsti’s Thoughts

I’m sitting here trying to think of a post to make tonight… feeling agitated. Not sure why?

Maybe because my new neighbors stopped by unannounced and asked to take a peek at our floor plan, but my house is trashed after 3 days of the kids home.
–Embarrassed.

Maybe because I have a dentist appointment in the morning, will need to be numbed and get so nervous for procedures.
–Anxious.

Maybe because I am leaving in 4 days and I need to do like 100 loads of laundry and 10 loads of dishes to get caught up.
–Stressed.

And I realize… these are my triggers. Not feeling tidy enough. Not feeling strong enough. Not feeling in control.

Which all leads to a limiting self-believe I feel often, which is that I am not “enough”. I seem to have this nagging feeling that no matter how many people I help, or how I spend my time, I’m still falling short of my potential. And as I recognize those thoughts, I remind myself where they come from. Satan. “He attempts to focus our sight on our own insignificance until we begin to doubt that we have much worth. He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten—especially by God.

God. The most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.

No matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith.

God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.” –Dieter F. Uchdorf

And those were the words from the talk I began reading on Sunday morning but didn’t finish until just now. A topic I chose on Saturday night, after randomly flipping through my study book. It’s no coincidence. I needed to hear those words. They bring me comfort and perspective during my daily trials. I struggle often with anxiety, stress, and feeling like I have to prove my self-worth. Tonight I’m going to take a deep breath, a hot shower, and say a long prayer that I will be able to fight off Satan’s influence of discouragement.

We are special. We are perfect just the way we are. We are more than enough…. We are DIVINE!

 

Truth

My “New Normal”

Each month I want to write at least one blog post. My problem is my mind has all these ideas but my body lacks the motivation to change my thoughts into actions. This then signals a guilty chord that sounds too familiar and reminds me of one other area of my life that isn’t quite measuring up.  I remember studying in a psychology class that this procrastination curve was a phenomenon. The only way that one could get out of the depression and anxiety dip that naturally flowed from procrastination was to work. (Even with this knowledge I still find it difficult to start.)

Here is my blog.

I have been struggling with finding my “new normal.” It was recommended by my doctors at the Tom Baker Cancer Center that if I was done having children that I  have a complete hysterectomy and remove all the organs that seem to kill most female members of my family. I did consider, read and weigh out the options. I found it best to follow their advice and have the preventative operation.

I had no idea that early menopause would push my mental breaking point. Not being able to exercise and have sex for six weeks showed me how much I relied on these experiences for the endorphin releases. When they were taken away I could only eat my releases. So one bite at a time I tried to create happiness. Eating is never the answer but it seemed to be a quick fix.

Dancing has always been a huge joy for me and when I could no longer do it I felt depressed. I was praying and admitting my defeat to Heavenly Father. I said something like, ” I just want to feel normal, if I need medication to realize that then so be it.” I was running the idea of going to see the doctor about medication by my mom when she said to me, “The first question the doctor is going to ask you is what are you eating and how is your exercise.” I knew she was right and so I decided to take control of those two factors. I started to think of my body as a temple and think about the fuel that I was putting into it. I had to start exercising again too. The problem was I felt so nauseous and dizzy.  I discovered I had to show patience towards myself on this journey. This journey to my new normal. I decided to enroll in an aquafit class. If you ever wanna feel like a rockstar

I decided to enroll in an aquafit class. If you ever wanna feel like a rockstar start exercising with 70 year olds! I have never liked water and the chlorine itches my skin but I needed a starting point that was gentle and this was it. I recruited a friend to come with me to keep me motivated and she has been a blessing.

Eating has proven to be a much harder obstacle. I love the calming effect that sugar has on me. I like the instant gratification found in a cookie than the self evaluation and reflection needed to know why I am so upset. I love the euphoria of salty buttered popcorn and welcome the relief I feel it gives. Now don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with eating but when it’s used to alleviate stress and controls me more than I like than I have to think through a new game plan. I don’t have a permanent plan yet but I am aware of the problem and that is the first step to change. Honestly, I am overwhelmed by the size of this obstacle and must admit that my willpower is not enough to overcome this.  Perhaps this is one of those weaknesses that the Lord was referring to when he said. “I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.”

I am hopeful about finding a solution and am encouraged by my sister’s great efforts in this area. As we spend the next week together I am looking forward to her good example rubbing off on me again.

Without my own natural source of estrogen, I am trying to find a good balance of hormones. I probably use this too much as an excuse but taking a pill every day has never been a forte of mine, and I do notice when I skip. Perhaps the Lord is teaching me about consistency and small daily efforts.

Life is constantly changing. I feel like we are all trying to find our “new normals” Whatever life throws at you, whether you choose it or it happened to you, you can find a new normal… put it takes time, a lot of prayer and lots of self-love.

Last night as I expressed regret about my decision my mother brought some peace, clarity, and perspective when she said, “I wish I would have had this option than giving up a year in chemotherapy.”  It was a nice reminder why I had made the decision in the first place.

 

My “New Normal”