Why It’s Hard to Blog…Fearlessly

pure-in-heart

This really is a new experience for me.  Some stories I don’t know how to share because I am afraid to hurt peoples feelings as I share my truth. Lots of the beauty that I have learned in life has been from washing off the mud and dirt that I have played in or others have thrown at me.

The mud I have played in is easier. Because it really effects only me. As I learn the process of washing off mud, I realize how much beauty there is in life. In fact, I can’t really take credit for the cleaning process. If I was accurately to describe what happened to me I would say Jesus has cleaned me. Jesus has gently guided me to a mirror and shown me the stains. He whispered so lovingly that the dirt never effected my worth but had a role to play in my worthiness. He showed me how to remove the filth and expose the beauty of a clean body. That was His miracle and free gift to me and to all of us.

Living with codependency I was troubled and sometimes stuck by the mud others threw at me. I wasn’t sure if I had any control about washing it off. (When I describe it in terms of mud that last sentence seems silly but when its hurts and pains inside I never knew the process of washing and cleaning) It turns out that both processes are the same. Jesus still gently leads me to a mirror. He shows me the mud that was there. He loving throws His arms around me and says “I can help you wash this mud too. I know exactly how this mud feels too.” And so we wash. When I feel so clean and look at myself again in the mirror I think… I wish everyone knew how good it feels to be clean. I wish everyone knew how ready God is to lead us to the mirror and show us where to wash. I don’t know everyone. But I do have a computer and I can write this blog. It doesn’t matter to me if everyone reads it… but if someone reads it and can be helped than that is enough for me.

So I will keep blogging. It is uncomfortable but I truly believe it is our real authentic stories that heal people. It’s showing and telling mud, not to focus on the filth, but to testify of the redemption of the One who will make you clean.

Besides my greatest example kept His wounds in His hands. Whenever He comes to anyone He shows them His wounds and I am trying to be like Him.

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Letters to a Young Poet

We have all sat in a classroom for many years for many different reasons. Every now and then we get a teacher who inspires us. They connect with us and teach us lessons that last a lifetime. One of my dear English professors read this passage to me. I was so touched that I went shortly out and bought the book. Here is the quote :

“You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves—like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. The point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

I have always tried to love the questions that life threw at me. And I have now seen that as I lived into the answers they slowly came. As I became more ready to accept the response I gently peacefully received it. It is a process that I return to continually. Whenever I feel comfortable with the process life will throw another question at me that I am not quite prepared to answer. I have to remember that answers are not always manifest instantly. Because this is an instant age we don’t enjoy the patience that questions can teach us. But after the struggle the peace that accompanies the response is worth the wait.

You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves—like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. The point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Letters to a Young Poet