Here is what I learned.
Compromising… isn’t it a good thing? Isn’t is a way we both get a part of what we want?
Actually, (I’m going to argue semantics a bit here) but i think compromising no one really wins. It’s kinda of a lose lose. You rarely feel good about a compromise because you have your agenda and it never gets fulfilled. So then how do we manage our differences of opinions?
We collaborate. What is the difference? When you collaborate with someone you let go of your agenda before you begin. You start again with the question you need answers to and sincerely try and figure out a response together. This is an easy statement to say but harder to play out. I don’t think I have ever done it because I just learned it today. I think to make it work I would have to revisit how I handle issues. I have to re-evaluate what is right and wrong in a situation. I have to look at the situation, is this just my opinion? Is this a feeling? Where do the thoughts associated with this situation originate?
Could you imagine what kinda of discussion it would generate to sit down by your spouse and start fresh with an idea? ( I am sure some of you already do this and might be confused by the simplicity of this post.) But for those of you who have struggled with a spouse about how some things should be accomplished or eliminated and you don’t see eye to eye this could offer some real insight.
I am not sure how to clean the slate, or let go of personal agenda’s but I believe that awareness is the first step to change. Even desire to be or do better is a good start too. I’m almost looking forward to the next time Dave and I don’t agree on an issue so I can practice how this actually looks… but have a feeling I may forget all my learning and lean back into old habits of just trying to state my opinion louder (like the graphic suggests!) I am sure life will provide us with the opportunity soon … because one of the reasons I love Dave is he has a strong, kind, personality. One of the reasons we don’t see eye to eye is because he and I have strong, kind, personalities!!!!
So think about it. Are you wanting to compromise or collaborate? And what are you willing to do to achieve your desired outcome?