Each month I want to write at least one blog post. My problem is my mind has all these ideas but my body lacks the motivation to change my thoughts into actions. This then signals a guilty chord that sounds too familiar and reminds me of one other area of my life that isn’t quite measuring up. I remember studying in a psychology class that this procrastination curve was a phenomenon. The only way that one could get out of the depression and anxiety dip that naturally flowed from procrastination was to work. (Even with this knowledge I still find it difficult to start.)
Here is my blog.
I have been struggling with finding my “new normal.” It was recommended by my doctors at the Tom Baker Cancer Center that if I was done having children that I have a complete hysterectomy and remove all the organs that seem to kill most female members of my family. I did consider, read and weigh out the options. I found it best to follow their advice and have the preventative operation.
I had no idea that early menopause would push my mental breaking point. Not being able to exercise and have sex for six weeks showed me how much I relied on these experiences for the endorphin releases. When they were taken away I could only eat my releases. So one bite at a time I tried to create happiness. Eating is never the answer but it seemed to be a quick fix.
Dancing has always been a huge joy for me and when I could no longer do it I felt depressed. I was praying and admitting my defeat to Heavenly Father. I said something like, ” I just want to feel normal, if I need medication to realize that then so be it.” I was running the idea of going to see the doctor about medication by my mom when she said to me, “The first question the doctor is going to ask you is what are you eating and how is your exercise.” I knew she was right and so I decided to take control of those two factors. I started to think of my body as a temple and think about the fuel that I was putting into it. I had to start exercising again too. The problem was I felt so nauseous and dizzy. I discovered I had to show patience towards myself on this journey. This journey to my new normal. I decided to enroll in an aquafit class. If you ever wanna feel like a rockstar
I decided to enroll in an aquafit class. If you ever wanna feel like a rockstar start exercising with 70 year olds! I have never liked water and the chlorine itches my skin but I needed a starting point that was gentle and this was it. I recruited a friend to come with me to keep me motivated and she has been a blessing.
Eating has proven to be a much harder obstacle. I love the calming effect that sugar has on me. I like the instant gratification found in a cookie than the self evaluation and reflection needed to know why I am so upset. I love the euphoria of salty buttered popcorn and welcome the relief I feel it gives. Now don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with eating but when it’s used to alleviate stress and controls me more than I like than I have to think through a new game plan. I don’t have a permanent plan yet but I am aware of the problem and that is the first step to change. Honestly, I am overwhelmed by the size of this obstacle and must admit that my willpower is not enough to overcome this. Perhaps this is one of those weaknesses that the Lord was referring to when he said. “I bgive unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my cgrace is sufficient for all men that dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make eweak things become strong unto them.”
I am hopeful about finding a solution and am encouraged by my sister’s great efforts in this area. As we spend the next week together I am looking forward to her good example rubbing off on me again.
Without my own natural source of estrogen, I am trying to find a good balance of hormones. I probably use this too much as an excuse but taking a pill every day has never been a forte of mine, and I do notice when I skip. Perhaps the Lord is teaching me about consistency and small daily efforts.
Life is constantly changing. I feel like we are all trying to find our “new normals” Whatever life throws at you, whether you choose it or it happened to you, you can find a new normal… put it takes time, a lot of prayer and lots of self-love.
Last night as I expressed regret about my decision my mother brought some peace, clarity, and perspective when she said, “I wish I would have had this option than giving up a year in chemotherapy.” It was a nice reminder why I had made the decision in the first place.